Dear Crew,

You're never going to stop breastfeeding! I have such a love/hate relationship with it. On one hand, it takes up a lot of time. We're down to two feeds a day but you'll feed for at least thirty minutes. Also, you're old enough that I'm a little embarrassed that we're still breastfeeding.

On the other hand, I love snuggling with you! I'm normally the least physical person ever but there's something about cuddling up with you. Plus, thanks to breastfeeding, you'll often fall asleep on me and that is the best. You love breastfeeding and you would be a lot more weaned right now if you didn't love it so much. Then I'm torn between loving and hating it. So when you fall apart about wanting to breastfeed, I lack the willpower to say no.

You love to snuggle with at least two stuffed animals. However, it's not unusual for you to grab more. Every stuffed animal has to breastfeed. You'll hold them up to my boob and I'll make a slurping sound. It's cute but sometimes annoying when there are a bajillion stuffed animals and you keep switching sides.

One thing I love to do with you is to snuggle you after you wake up from a nap. You sleep with the covers on and are always so warm and cozy.

Your talking has exploded that last few weeks. You went from saying almost nothing to saying a lot! You would nod a lot, though. I loved to asked you a lot of questions just to see you nod. Now you can say, "Yeah." You also like to call my name. You'll yell, "Ma!" like you're from Little House On The Prairie times.

I'm glad I got to write all of these cute things down because now I need to vent. You are SO HARD right now. You're almost two and I think you should be a lot more independent than you are. You want to be held a lot and you cry a ton, too. I actually threw out my back from holding you last week. I had a painful three day recovery. I don't know how moms have kids older than me.

I love you,
~Mom

Dear Crew-

Your breastfeeding days are numbered! I've always planned to stop at 23 months but it's been hard! I was scared of you quitting too early and breastfed you too often for too long. It hurts my heart to hear you ask for "ma mow." I know each time I say, "No," is prompting you to ask about it less. Which of course the point!

I shortened our feeds to just twice a day-once before nap time and once before bedtime. Today you only got one feed. My supply is decreasing and that makes you more prone to breastfeed each side a couple times. I've also been bad. The past two nights, I've let you breastfeed for an hour!

Cutting out our morning feed(s) has helped me get so much done around the house. I can't believe I've breastfed you this long! I just love it. Truly. But you're growing up and it's time to move on. *Sigh.*

You do some cute things breastfeeding. You like to gather three to four stuffed animals and than hold them up to my boob. I'll make a slurping sound and you'll move on to the next time. This is adorable and sometimes tedious. Again, you're breastfeeding each side multiple times.

Sometimes I feel guilty because I'm always on my phone when you eat. Honestly, kid, that's my "me" time. I'll still stop and stare at you, though.

I love to put my hand on your cheek. When you were a baby, I decided to put my hand on your cheek while you were breastfeeding. It feel so intimate. I'm guessing you thought it was claustrophobic because you moved it. I thought that was too cute and put my hand back on your cheek. We played this game four or five times until you started crying, not at all amused.

I kept at it, though. Every so often, I would put my hand on your cheek. If you moved it, I wouldn't put it back. You got used to it and I think you like it because you rarely move my hand.

Your little personality is starting to shine through. You are an enthusiastic dancer and love Disney songs. I got aggravated because you would NOT hold still for diaper changes and to get dressed. It lasted for months and I wondered if any of my other kids despised holding still for as long as you did. I finally caved and you watch Disney songs on YouTube every diaper change. You throw a fit when I take my phone away.

Embarrassingly enough, you somewhat know how to navigate YouTube on my phone. You know that if you swipe up from the bottom, that other suggested Disney videos will appear. You'll often click on them and change the song. Your favorite song has to be, "How Does She Know?" from Enchanted. However, you love The Lion King, Aladdin, and Moana songs.

Your speech is still lagging. Although you shocked me this week. Nana watched you and left during your nap time. When I got you up from your crib, I asked you several times,

"Where did Nana go?" The first time you answered with a shake of your head,

"Know!" This means 'don't know' and you do it all of the time. The third I asked you, you said,

"They gone!" What?! I was so excited. You barely say ten words, yet string two of them together like that.

You had your first haircut the day after Christmas. Did I tell you about that? I couldn't handle the change during Christmas. It's funny how I mourn each last. Although Bria still hasn't had her first haircut. Ha, ha.

I love you,
~Mom