You got kicked out of child watch today. It was upsetting for both of us. You were wearing your shirt that comes with a Spiderman hood that goes over your eyes. The hood has holes in it so that you can see. The child watch workers didn't feel that it was safe for you to wear the "mask" and asked you to take it off. You refused and started screaming and throwing a fit. They texted me to come pick you up.
I was mortified but said a prayer to know the right things to do and say. I got there to find you under the table, upset. You weren't coming out. I got interrupted mid-workout and so I drank about half of my water bottle before I did anything. I grabbed you and talked calmly while you scratched and hit me. I knew what you really needed was a hug. You were upset and embarrassed.
We hugged and I left with you like that. Then you got really mad again because you had to leave child watch instead of playing outside. You hit and scratched me and cried. I lost it once we got outside and started crying. Once you were buckled in the car, I hugged you for a long time. I knew you were overwhelmed and processing emotions. At one point I backed away but you asked me to hug you. I came back right away. I spoke to you once I felt like you were ready to listen.
I said many things. One thing I told you was, "Crew, you are a good little boy." I felt prompted to tell you that. I knew that's what you needed to hear.
You told me, "But I get angry everyday." This is very self-aware of you as we've never talked specifically about your anger.
I can't remember my exact response. I think I said something like that it was okay to feel angry and you were learning how to deal with it. Everyone makes mistakes.
I don't rock at being a mom very often but today with you, I nailed it.
You are a very hard four year old. As one of the kid's friends said today, "Crew has an anger problem." When something doesn't go your way, you get angry and violent. It can be exhausting being your parent. My weary parent heart struggles. I feel like you are too old to be having the problems that you are having. Still. Today's experience was just what I needed. I remembered how tender your are. You're only four and trying hard to get a reign on your emotions. I can understand that because I struggle with a temper at age 36.
There's more I would like to say. I've been struggling journaling anything because I am suffering from computer/work-induced tennis elbow for the past eight weeks. I've been avoiding being on the computer as much as I can. So I've missed writing to you on your birthday. There was something this morning I wanted to record but I can't remember.
Love you, son,
~Mom
Thursday, May 5, 2022 10:09pm
