Thursday, May 5, 2022

Dear Crew-

 You got kicked out of child watch today. It was upsetting for both of us. You were wearing your shirt that comes with a Spiderman hood that goes over your eyes. The hood has holes in it so that you can see. The child watch workers didn't feel that it was safe for you to wear the "mask" and asked you to take it off. You refused and started screaming and throwing a fit. They texted me to come pick you up.

I was mortified but said a prayer to know the right things to do and say. I got there to find you under the table, upset. You weren't coming out. I got interrupted mid-workout and so I drank about half of my water bottle before I did anything. I grabbed you and talked calmly while you scratched and hit me. I knew what you really needed was a hug. You were upset and embarrassed. 

We hugged and I left with you like that. Then you got really mad again because you had to leave child watch instead of playing outside. You hit and scratched me and cried. I lost it once we got outside and started crying. Once you were buckled in the car, I hugged you for a long time. I knew you were overwhelmed and processing emotions. At one point I backed away but you asked me to hug you. I came back right away. I spoke to you once I felt like you were ready to listen.

I said many things. One thing I told you was, "Crew, you are a good little boy." I felt prompted to tell you that. I knew that's what you needed to hear. 

You told me, "But I get angry everyday." This is very self-aware of you as we've never talked specifically about your anger. 

I can't remember my exact response. I think I said something like that it was okay to feel angry and you were learning how to deal with it. Everyone makes mistakes. 

I don't rock at being a mom very often but today with you, I nailed it.

You are a very hard four year old. As one of the kid's friends said today, "Crew has an anger problem." When something doesn't go your way, you get angry and violent. It can be exhausting being your parent. My weary parent heart struggles. I feel like you are too old to be having the problems that you are having. Still. Today's experience was just what I needed. I remembered how tender your are. You're only four and trying hard to get a reign on your emotions. I can understand that because I struggle with a temper at age 36. 

There's more I would like to say. I've been struggling journaling anything because I am suffering from computer/work-induced tennis elbow for the past eight weeks. I've been avoiding being on the computer as much as I can. So I've missed writing to you on your birthday. There was something this morning I wanted to record but I can't remember. 

Love you, son,

~Mom

Thursday, May 5, 2022 10:09pm

 

Wednesday, February 2, 2022

Dear Crew-

 Dad woke up at 5 this morning to you screaming at the top of your lungs. I slept through you. Sorry! Dad rushed into your room to see what was wrong. He couldn't find you but he sure could hear you. Apparently, you had rolled under the bed (which is very low) and had gotten yourself stuck! Dad had to tip the bed (with sleeping Bria on it) to get you out. You slept with us after that. 

You have a very bad habit of crawling into bed with us. Sometimes I'll go to bed and you'll have already climbed it. I put you back in your bed and you don't even stir. The problem is when you get into our bed after we're already asleep. It takes more than you kicking me repeatedly (a common occurrence) for me to get out of bed to put you in bed. 

You had your first bad behavior at child watch yesterday. You punched another girl in the face! The two of you were fighting over a toy.

Love you,

~Mom

Wednesday, February 2, 2022, 10:14pm

Wednesday, January 26, 2022

Dear Crew-

 I have so many funny stories but I have not felt like writing them down. Here are the ones that I can remember.

You have a BIG mouth. You say what's on your mind and social niceties are something you're still learning. 

We were in the waiting room in a car repair shop. A man came in who was very obese. You turn to me and say, "Mom! Look at that man's big belly!" I ignored you and crossed my fingers that the man is deaf. He sits down right by us.

Thinking perhaps I didn't hear you, you say louder, "Mom! Look at that man's big belly!" I continue to ignore you and you continue to say it. For MINUTES that feel like hours. I cover your mouth with my hand. You say it under my hand. 

I feel so bad for the obese man but I hide my face in your neck because I'm starting to laugh at your persistence. I finally take you outside and scold you. We don't go in until you agree to stop. We come in right as the employee was about to come out. Our car had been inspected and he started telling me the diagnosis. In the middle of speaking, you start loudly whispering, "Look at his big belly!" You keep at it the entire time the employee talks to us. His professional demeanor breaks and cracks a smile.

I never addressed the obese man. I treated him how I would want to be treated--ignored and pretending the embarrassing moment didn't happen. I also understood that you wanted me to look and acknowledge what you said. The situation wasn't appropriate for that.

Literally the same week, you opened your big mouth again. There's some back story to this to give you credit. You often will tell me that I have a big belly. I work hard on body positivity and so I usually tell you, "Yes, I do." We move on. I give you no indication if its a good or bad thing to have a big belly and I don't scold you. 

We were standing at the bus stop with our neighbor. She was leaning down to tell you something. All of the sudden you proclaim, " You have big boobs!" The best part of the interaction was that you tapped her boobs twice. She turned around and procaimed,

"What did you say?" as I wailed, "Creeeeeew!" 

The other week we had a fake argument between you and me about who was cute. I argued that I was cuter and you thought that you were cuter. You won the argument when you proclaimed, "But I'm tiny!"

You have a new floor flop. Instead of flopping to the floor, you'll stomp out of a room when you're upset. You'll usually go upstairs and cry. The cutest was on Christmas. We were playing the game, Pretty Pretty Princess. You were decked out in jewels and having a great time. 

The first piece of jewelry you had to give up was the cursed ring. Sweet! Right? Nope. The cursed ring is green (your favorite color) and you loved it. You exclaimed, "What?!" Then you proceeded to take off all of your jewelry and stomp upstairs. It was adorable. You were done playing the game to say the least.

When we were taking down the fake Christmas tree, you asked us why we were cutting down the tree.

One morning in December, you woke up in dad and my bed and innocently asked, "How did I get here?" You had no memory of walking to our room and were insistent that you didn't walk yourself. I suggested that maybe the elves carried you. You thought this was as likely as anything. Your bafflement was the most adorable thing.

One day in October, we went to Ross. TJ Maxx was right next door and you kept asking to go there and look at PJ Masks. I had no idea if TJ Maxx sold PJ Masks and had no idea where you got the idea from. Then I looked at the sign and realized how close the names were! I was super impressed by your "reading ability." I sure did take you to the TJ Maxx store and we couldn't find any PJ Masks. You were super disappointed. 

One day at church in September we were sitting in the foyer. This is not unusual for you as you tend to be loud in Sacrament and then we have to take you out. You seem too old to be take out so often but there we are. 

Anyway, I tend to try to distract you into holding still. I'll ask you about the pictures on the walls. One day I asked you to find Jesus. The picture on the wall was The Second Coming by Harry Anderson. You told me, "He looks like a butterfly!" I've never thought that before but now I can't help but see it. Jesus doesn't look like He has butterfly wings in the picture. 

In July, you asked me to fix your toy. I was being truthful but mostly lazy when I replied that I didn't know how to fix it. You responded, "But Daddy always knows how to fix my toys." You bet I went over and figured out how to fix your toy. It did occur to me that I had been completely manipulated by a three year old. 

A lot of those stories are thanks to me texting Nana about you! Otherwise, I would have long ago forgotten them. I like to text Nana pictures and silly stories about you and your siblings.

Crew, it seems like over night you turned into a kid! Everyone has commented on how big you are suddenly. I can't believe that you are only a few months away from four years old!

You transitioned to primary this month. After your first Sunday, the only thing you would comment on about your experience was that, "They don't have toys." That says everything. We were super nervous for you to go to primary due to your sacrament behavior. However, your nursery teachers said you were the most ready to go. God bless the sunbeam teachers!!!

I did hear a funny story from a parent. In the late summer/early fall, one of the moms said she was in nursery helping out. The teachers were teaching the lesson and asking questions. You said something to the effect, "They don't know! They're just babies!"

That reminds me. Whenever we see a baby at the store, we'll proclaim in goo goo gaa voices, "Ooooh! Look at the cute little baby!" It's hilarious. 

You are officially potty trained. I don't remember where I left off on your saga of potty training. It was so hard! You had good weeks and bad week and good days and bad days. You rarely have accidents now. About a month or so ago, you had your first and only accident at the YMCA child watch. The ladies held out while I exercised and ended up fetching me the last ten minutes of class. You were devastated and bawled the whole time. I took a picture of you but it doesn't do justice to your tear stained face. It was pathetic.

We're still struggling because you'll go tiny bits of poop in your underwear. We are better at catching you doing it. You'll sit cross legged on the floor with your knees up. I'll put you on the pot. It sure is frustrating. So maybe you're not completely potty trained. You're definitely not night time potty trained. Dad and I meant to night train you over Christmas break but we didn't have the heart for it. You sleep with a sibling and we value our sleep. After dad's class we might try it again.

You are a headstrong child. Definitely not easy. You do have your cute redeemable moments though.

Okay, it is getting late! There's a reason why I've procrastinated this letter. I'm not proofreading. Just a warning. I'm proud of myself and happy I got these stories down.

Much love,

Mom

Monday, October 18, 2021

Dear Crew-

 While Bria is in dance, you, me, Dallin and Akarie walk a trail. Dallin and especially Akarie will go off trail from time to time. I never do because I like the cleared path. I don't want to walk into spider webs or get a tick. 

Last week you followed Dallin and Akarie off the path. I could spy you guys through the trees but I lost you at one point. Akarie came out of the trees and then Dallin. When I exasperatingly asked Dallin where you were, he shrugged and kept walking. In my mom voice, I demanded that he go get you. 

I then turned back around and started searching for you through the trees. I called your name, "Crew! Crew! Crew!" I was not scared or worried in the slightest, Crew. You had been out of my sight for less than a minute when I heard you start howling. At first I thought you were hurt because you were crying so loud. However, there wasn't enough of a pause between that initial cry and the next one. That pause is a dead giveaway for a hurt child. 

We found you 30 seconds later. You kept proclaiming, "I was lost in the woods!!!" through your tears. It was the funniest and cutest and most dramatic thing that I couldn't help laughing. Kid, you were "lost" for less than two minutes, most of which we could hear you! Of course we played the Frozen 2 song, "Lost in the Woods" for the drive home. I won't be able to ever listen to that song again without thinking of you.

You and Dallin are cute together. You call each other "best bunny." This started when Dallin asked if you were his best buddy. You misheard and proclaimed, "I'm not a bunny!" It's the sweetest thing to hear you refer to Dallin as your best bunny. We dropped Dallin off at school the other day. You waved to Dallin but he didn't wave back (due to the fact that he wasn't looking at you). You cried on the way home, saying, "My best bunny didn't wave to me!"

It's a good thing you're so cute because you are a stinker. I worry that I've spoiled you rotten. You get away with more bad behavior then you should. I'm not great at providing consequences for hitting or running away from me. You LOVE to run away from me and it is the worst.

I've really been treasuring you this year. This is really my last year to have a little kid. Your face still has some of its baby-ness left and I'll be sad to see it go!

Love you,

~Mom

Monday, October 18, 2021, 10:41pm

Friday, July 23, 2021

Dear Crew-

 It's been so long. I have a sticky with notes but I'm not sure if I have written about them already. I'm going to assume not. Sorry if I have already written about these things!

You have a dinosaur water bottle that you are pretty attached to, especially a few months ago. We simply refer to it as your "dinosaurs." We lose it a lot.

You've been obsessed with Avengers for a long time now. I'm not sure how you got into it. I think you stumbled on some YouTube videos. I got into the bad habit of letting you wonder around YouTube. It started because you wouldn't hold still for diaper changes. I was tired of the constant struggle. 

Then this past year, I've let you watch YouTube as I work in the mornings. Bria would be at preschool. You and I would hang out on my bed--me working and you perusing YouTube. I figured I was around and could stop inappropriate videos. Still. I know you're not watching quality programming and we've been working on reducing your time on YouTube. I'd love for you to watch Netflix shows.

Anyway, you started out by doing Hulk Smash. You would proclaim in a low voice, "Hulk Smash!" You would bang your fist on the ground and it was the cutest thing ever. Your favorite color is green thanks to that. Although your second favorite color is red. You've branched out to liking Spiderman and Ironman. Marshall is your favorite pup from Paw Patrol.

You've discovered Paw Patrol this year, too. You are the cutest. For the longest time you would refer to our Paw Patrol toys as "my pups." 

One of my favorite things is to ask you your name. You used to come up with different thing. Somedays you were Hulk Smash and other days Spiderman. For the past few months, you've been Marshall. I love this game and I ask you your name all of the time. Meanwhile, Dad never asks you your name and had no clue that your favorite pup was Marshall. I was just talking to Dad about this and he asked me, "Why would I ask Crew his name?!" Apparently only I do that. Ha, ha. I do it everyday though. 

You love to snuggle and have me hold you. This was more months ago but you would constantly walk up to me and proclaim, "Hold me!" This was cute and aggravating as it usually happened when I was trying to prepare dinner or get something done. 

You still nap and you need to be snuggled for at least thirty minutes after a nap. There's no point fighting this cuddle time because otherwise you are a sobbing mess. You need the snuggle.

We've been potty training your for about five/six weeks. You've been the worst! You do not care about potty training. You're fine wearing diapers. Dirty underwear doesn't bother you at all. Your potty training motivation is completely external. 

I've spent a small fortune on toy rewards. We would do a sticker chart and you would earn stickers each time you went to the bathroom. After you filled the chart, you got a toy. We ran out of toys a few weeks ago.

What's working right now is mints (you call them nips) and YouTube on the phone. I know, we're trying to cut down on that. But potty training comes first! I would not call you potty trained even after all of this time. You have some really bad days with accidents. Then you'll go three or four days with no accidents. 

I've been tempted many times to put you back in diapers. What stops me? When you wore diapers, you went poop on average 4-8 times a day! I've cried many tears from your lack of potty training motivation and mass number of poopy diapers. We tried potty training you back in March when you turned three. That was a clear failure. Thus, we waited until June. I'm done though! I would much rather feed you mints and YouTube videos for forever than deal with endless poop diapers. I can handle cleaning pee pee accidents over never ending poo poo diapers.

Although you've started going poop in your Pull Up in the morning. Where's your sense of hygiene, kid?! Dad and I haven't braved nighttime potty training. You always wake up with a VERY full diaper and now Pull Up.

You say some cute things. Your talking is not the greatest. The pediatrician said that a stranger should be able to understand 80% of what you're saying. Um, yeah, that's not happening. You say "Giggles" for "tickles." My favorite is that you say "hugs and misses" for "hugs and kisses." 

You lost your second toenail last month.  (You lost one last year, too. Your sisters and brother haven't lost a single nail.) You dropped our laptop on your toe. Ouch. Your toenail took FOREVER to fall off. Meanwhile, you kept snagging your partially uplifted toenail on EVERYTHING. You cried so much over that dang toenail. I told you that you were going to lose it and you did not believe me. 

When the toenail was hanging on by a thread, you kept dislodging it so that it would stand vertical on your toe instead of horizontal. We tried to bandage it but that only offered so much protection. The second time the nail went vertical, I quickly tore it off.

Your toe distressed you quite a bit without the nail. The first two days it looked gnarly, all pink and puffy. When we asked you what happened to your toe, you would exclaim, "It's turning pink!" You said this as if the color was the problem. Your toenail is slowly growing back. I still ask everyday about your toe just to hear you say, "It's turning pink!"

Personality-wise, you are proving to be determined and headstrong. You are my only kid who figured out how to buckle himself into a five point harness carseat. This is nice but also bad when we start driving before double checking that you've buckled yourself in. You and Akarie are very similar in personality. Dad gives me a hard time about our blonde-haired children because you are hard to parent. 

 I love you, Crew. You've been a fun kid. Fun and hard. You do cause a lot of trouble and have broken a lot of things. Thankfully that's calmed down a bit. The only trouble you've been in recently that I can think off the top of my head is that you have drawn on the wall a couple of times.

I love you,

~Mom

Monday, February 22, 2021

Dear Crew-

 You have no interest in potty training. I'll put underwear on you and in five minutes, you want them off. On the bright side, you have gone on the potty. On the not-so-bright side, you can sit on the potty for well over ten minutes, happy as can be but not going potty at all. Of course you want me to stick around with you.

I am at my wit's end with you. I am not exaggerating when I say that you go poop at least five times a day. It's only 1:26pm and I just changed your FIFTH poopy diaper. It makes me want to cry. This has been going on for weeks. Not only is it expensive, but it's gross. I feel like I have a newborn. You go the teeniest amounts of poop ALL DAY LONG. 

You are not independent at all. Up until Friday, I was getting you changed. You would not put on clothes. You take off your shirt and run around bare chested most of the time. I had never seen you put any article of clothing on your body. You are a month away from three!!! On Friday, I decided to refuse to dress you. For while you run around shirtless, you are adamant about wearing pants. My strike worked and for the past few days, you've been getting yourself dressed.

You've also become quite violent. Hitting is your number one way to solve your problems. Timeouts don't seem to phase you. I'll stand you in the corner (you don't stay on your own). The minute your timeout is done I'll tell you, "Now don't hit." That statement sparks something in you and you'll hit me.

You do have cute moments. I love hearing you say words because you mispronounce things in the most adorable ways. Captain America sounds like Cap Cap. You call Bria, Bow. 

We snuggle every morning as I work and I love that. 

Bria is obsessed with Taylor Swift's music video for the song, "Me!" The beginning features a snake. While you like the music video, you do not like the snake. The minute I say I'm turning it on, you'll run away and hide until the snake part is done. Your siblings like to tease you and hold you in place and force you to watch it. You handle this so good naturedly (laughing and pouting) that I allow it.

I love you, Crew,

~Mom

P.S. I reread the last letter I wrote you and have some updates. You currently go down the stairs on your bottom. You can go really fast that way. After the "landing pad" (the kids call the landing a landing pad), you hop down the last two steps.

You are obsessed with super heroes. You discovered them through YouTube. 

In connection with your obsession, you only wear two things. You either want your Hulk Smash costume or your "spider suit." Your spider suit is a spiderman sweater I got from Once Upon a Chile for $2.50! You don't want to wear anything else. Oh, you will wear your Avengers PJs. I'm the most indulgent mom and humor your wardrobe choices. I know only too well that this stage won't last forever.

While writing this letter, you came over to me and let me know that you have a poopy diaper. How do I stop this?! I'm in serious despair.

Everyday Bria comes home from the bus, you run outside to meet her and give her a big hug. The bus driver will yell, "There's Spiderman!" or "Here comes the Hulk!" It is one of the most adorable sights to see you two hug.

The funny parts of you running out to meet Bria is that you don't like the grass. You used to stop your run to walk hesitantly across the grass. Now you avoid that grass altogether and walk the long ways around the car on the driveway.

Sunday, August 2, 2020

Dear Crew-

I'm a little horrified that I haven't written you a letter since April. You are at the age where you change so much and fast!

You are definitely in the terrible twos. We notice it more in attitude than necessarily breaking of things. Don't get me wrong, you've broken my phone and a few other things. But that was all ages ago. I think that happened even before you were two.

Now you're just grumpy and sulky. You want to be held all of the time! You're too big for this and I'm having flashbacks to babies. You're definitely keeping your mom happy to be finished having kids! You have meltdowns and temper tantrums. You hit. It's not unfamiliar to see your arm going violently up and down on a victim.

You say, "No!" in the most bratty, sulky voice. I actually find it funny. You still floor flop. You love to yank on my clothes and cry.

We are still breastfeeding. Sigh. You call it, "the other side." I've asked you enough times if you want the other side that now you think that's what it's called. It's cute and so I haven't corrected you. Although I do goof sometimes and call it breastfeeding.

It's not entirely your fault that we're still breastfeeding. I had you about weaned. I had said no enough times that you had stopped asking for it. You could lay in bed with me and not ask for it. My heart about broke. On the third day of no breastfeeding, I reminded you. "Do you want the other side?" I asked. Of course you agreed.

You love breastfeeding. Without my interference (telling you no constantly) we would be breastfeeding for a long time. But you're two. Almost two and a half. I know it's time to stop. I think this might be the hardest part for me of you being my last kid. It breaks my heart to stop.

After a few weeks of you breastfeeding multiple times a day (in July), we're back down to one time a day. I'm determined to stop within the next month or two. It was hard to stop this summer. We could do morning cuddles. That's going to stop once school starts.

Of course, school is going to be funny this year. I haven't mentioned this, partially because I haven't written to you and partially because this effects you hardly at all, but COVID-19 pandemic is going on. You miss out on nursery. That's about it for the changes. For a while, I didn't take you shopping. Dad and I have changed that as you like to go and it provides a break for the other parent.

Although you are a horrible shopper. You run. Or you dilly dally. You can really go slow! I've resorted to taking the baby carrier, that's meant for, you know... a baby. When I get fed up, I put you in it. You do not like the baby carrier but have come to gradually accept it.

One thing that is fun is that your talking has exploded the past few months. You have been a slow talker. I was shocked the other month when you clearly said, "Let go of me." Four words stung together! Look at you. We still can't understand you most of the time. We often ask you to show us. My favorite speech habit of yours is that you say, "Do!" instead of "Yes!"

You are fairly good at playing by yourself. I blame YouTube. We let you watch way too much YouTube. I got fed up with you not holding still for diaper changes. I held out for a long time but eventually gave you the phone for diaper changes. Over six months of that, and you are a pro with the phone. You really know how to work it. You call it, "hone" and ask for it every diaper change. You call me "Ma" and I feel like I'm on Little House on the Prairie.

Anyway. You often watch videos of people playing with toys. This has made you quite the expert on play. You get this sweet little falsetto voice when you play. I love that innocent voice! I love watching you play and have fun.

You're starting to walk down the stairs which is huge. You hold onto the railing but you're doing it. It seemed like you went down on your belly for forever!

Your favorite book is, "Chalk" by Bill Thomson. Every page that has the vicious dinosaur on it, you'll exclaim, "Oh no! Saur! Saur!" It's adorable.

There you have it, Crew. You are equal parts cute and aggravating. Some days I can't wait for you to grow up and other days I want to cry because you're growing up! You are my forever baby and I love you. So much.

Love,
Mom

Okay, I just found some notes of things you do. We had the missionaries over for home church. We all got distracted for a moment and looked over to find you drinking the missionaries sacrament water! We all got a good laugh at that.

Your favorite movie is Beauty and the Beast. You get exposed to a lot of girly movies thanks to Bria. I don't mind. But I must say that you've taken an interest in cars in a way that Bria never has.

You learned how to jump a few months ago. You went through a phase were you would jump up and down quite a bit. It reminded me of a rain dance.

You like to eat bananas like a monkey, just like Dallin and Akarie. I can't take them out of the peel because you like to pull it down. You also went through a phase where I had to leave granola bars in their wrappers. You wanted to be the one taking them out.

I have two lists of boy names on my sticky tabs on the computer. I haven't erased them because it's precious to me. I figured I better record them here. Plus, I know it's interesting to see what names parents considered. I looked for names by looking through the social security name index. Any name in the top 100 was eliminated. We liked more unique names. There were two different lists from different searches. I reviewed the 1000 many, many times.

List #1:

Lawson
Hugo
Pierce
Kyson
Titon
Crew
Turner

List#2:
Barrett
Otto
Alastair

We ultimately liked Crew the most. It was a slow process. We were first introduced to your name because Dallin had a Crew in his class. We heard about Crew and liked the name. When we saw it in the social security name index, we added it to our list of possible names and it eventually won out. I also have to say that celebrities, Chip and Joanna Gaines, had a boy a few months after you and named him Crew. I blame them for the bump in popularity of your name the year you were born. We named you before they had their boy and announced his name! I don't think we would have named you something else just because of that. I need to clarify that we weren't copying them. Ha, ha.

I remember really liking the name Hugo and Otto. I couldn't get Anne Frank our of my mind for Otto. I worried Hugo was too dorky. Pierce seemed too violent. Barrett was too popular. I loved the idea of calling you Bear! I don't know if that would have been cute as you aged... I never seriously considered Alastair, Lawson, or Titon. Titon was too God-like and hard to pronounce that second "t."  Lawson Lewis was a little much. Alastair had the same dorky potential component as Hugo.

After you were born in the parking lot, my family suggested names like Parker and Carson. Ha, ha.